All discussion of long-term climate change aside, it’s been stupid-cold for too long now. I, like many folks, wilt during winter’s weak and brief periods of sunlight and severe and extended periods of frigid temperatures. With that admission on the record, here are
The Top Ten Reasons It’s Time For March.
10. Daylight Saving Time arrives, dropping the green flag on the race to spring!
9. Dressing like Michelin Man to get the mail is getting exhausting.
8. Static electricity:
I can fry the TV with an index finger, if I forget to touch other metal first.
7. Fewer snotty noses . . . can’t vouch for attitudes . . .
6. I look less crazy at the ice cream shop.
(I will eat ice cream in any weather; I just look less abnormal when it’s not two below.)
5. The end of the mattress sale (and mattress commercial) season.
4. The top news headlines won’t be dominated by meteorologists.
3. Cars can begin to return their natural color, instead of road salt gray.
2. February Funk replaced by March Madness.
1. Mad Mildred (my mom) will celebrate her 85th birthday –
February, it’s not you; it’s . . . wait, it IS you.
You are a cold, menacing, ugly, grey jerk and I won’t miss you one bit!