Months Have Moods

Let’s forget about the zodiac and talk about the weather. I think the months of the year have some seriously emotional traits. Here’s what I mean:

January is ascetic – demanding that all joy be avoided at all costs.

February is impossible – fewest days and longest time.

March is the dangerous ex – strong-willed, loud, and just too cold to ever be the kind for a comfortable relationship.

(We’ll get to you in a minute, April.)

May is the cute one – not serious at all, sweet, and frilly.

June is THE ONE – perfect, but it can’t last.

July is the hot one – a real firecracker that leaves you sweaty and exhausted.

August is oppressive – holds you down, sucks all the air out of the room.

September is the preppie – perfect air, perfect sky, perfect light and totally self-absorbed.

October is just plain scary.

November is a little plump –always ready to offer comfort food to offset the outward chill.*

December is drunk.

*There is a once-in-four-year chance that November will just lose it and be unbearably ugly.

And now to April. Oh, April, you are the whiny one. You are tearful, bedraggled, unlovable, and sad. You live between the powerful March and the pretty May and you just can’t win. It’s tough to be April.

But, April, oh, April, you must remember that you are the reason we escaped that toxic relationship that was March and you are the one who will show May how truly beautiful she is. You are the catalyst, the conduit, the cause for our giddy anticipation. Sure, we complain about your gray complexion and your weepiness, but we really do appreciate you.

Now, if you could just stop crying . . .  there are birds bathing in my driveway.