New (Not the) News

Disclaimer:  I have stayed away from politics, but, after hearing about former Representative George Santos’s lawsuit against late night host Jimmy Kimmel, ABC, and parent Disney for “deceiving” him . . .

Welcome to the inaugural (and possibly final) issue of PAULITICO, the e-pub that dares to dive into the rabbit-hole of all things U.S. government-adjacent.

(OVER THE) TOP NEWS

By Ima Nutt, Staff Reporter

After George Santos’s brave salvo, the lawsuit against Jimmy Kimmel, ABC, and Disney, accusing Kimmel and company with some shady shenanigans regarding Santos’s professional acting work with Cameo, we’ve unearthed several other issues that might lead to more suits filed by Mr. Santos, among them are:

Santos v Belichick – Personal Injury stemming from improperly deflated imaginary volleyball  when Bill Belichick (as we all remember) was head coach at Baruch College.

Santos v Rue Paul – Discrimination from that time when he wasn’t allowed to appear on Drag Race just because he has no talent.

Santos v Luxury Retailers – Fraudulent Misrepresentation because his Prada was really Pravda, Hermes was Herpes, and Gucci was Cuchi (and Charo’s now suing him!)

Santos v Congress – Unequal Treatment Under the Law because “They kicked me out for lying to them but  who hasn’t lied to congress?”

We’re not sure when or if any of these potential lawsuits will be filed, but we’ll keep you updated as the year progresses. Heaven knows there’s nothing else happening on the political stage worth “reporting.”

This image of the reclusive Santos was shot with an extreme telephoto lens at great risk to the photographer. PAULITICO takes pride in our ability to professionally invade everyone’s privacy.