I Want My Real TV

26 07 2017

It’s the time of year when I begin to crave the return of my favorite television shows: The Blacklist, Elementary, Sherlock (PLEASE, Mr. Gatiss, bring back Sherlock).  There’s only so much baseball to be watched and there’s nothing else interesting, so I thought, in the wake of Shark Week on Discovery – a channel I never watch – I might offer a few suggestions for revamping their lineup to appeal to a different crowd – still not me, but what the heck!

Here’s my Top Ten Reimagined Discovery Channel Series for Summer 2017

10. Deadliest Catch – Law & Order Edition 

A man has an affair, contracts STD, which he shares with wife, who kills him. Ghost of Johnnie Cochran gets her off, but she later serves time for trying to steal back her family’s china.    

 9.  Naked and Afraid 

A groping, er, gripping documentary about the TSA

 8.  Mythbusters

Cancelled due to the total buying of all bullshit by too many Americans

 7.  Man vs Wild vs Batman vs Superman vs Predator vs Kramer

 6.  Dirty Jobs: the United States Congress

 5.  Amish Mafia “Leave the gun. Take the Funnel Cake.”

 4.  Gold Rush

Top interior designer Midas McGilditall redecorates the West Wing

 3.  River Monsters

A behind the scenes look at the current White House staff

2.  Tweet-Storm Chasers

Starring anyone but Donald Trump

1.  Jump the Shark Week

Promoted as a race between a great white shark and a great white swimmer. Turns out to be an open water version of a time trial for  Phelps (the non-shark) with a computer generated (also a non)-shark, animated to approximate the swimming speed of a real shark.  Anyone want to see if there’s anything in Al Capone’s vault???