Poll Vaulting

17 08 2016

It’s been a busy few days of television viewing, flipping channels (the only kind of flipping this girl’s qualified to do) between the Olympics and the ongoing Presidential race.  I think I’ve gotten a few signals mixed and have begun to wonder what if the American presidential race were mashed up with the Olympics.

Yes, I know it’s crazy, but why shouldn’t it be – we are talking American Politics 2016-style.

Here are my suggestions for the Top Ten 2016 Presidential Polit-oympics.

10.  Mike Pence – Very Whitewater Kayaking

9.  Gary Johnson – the Longshotput

8.  Tim Kaine – Rhythmic Women’s’ Health Gymnastics (Okay, he seems sincere about keeping his religious beliefs separate from upholding the Constitution, but I had to go there.)

7.  Jill Stein – barred from competing: took PEDs but refused vaccinations

6.  Reince Priebus – weightlifting:  Clean up after the Jerk

5.  Debbie Wasserman Schultz – Platform Nosedive

4.  Chris Christie – Beached Volleyball

3.  Bernie Sanders – the 4-Year-College-Tuition Freestyle

2.  Hillary Clinton – 100-meter Dash from phantom fire at the Rio Airport

1.  Donald Trump – Fencing, of course . . .

* and it’s going to be the Greatest . . . unless I lose . . . then, it will be rigged . . . Oh, and let me tell you, Hillary can only compete in the cycling – the menstrual cycling. I’m being sarcastic, but not that much . . . Let me tell you folks, Hillary Clinton wants to abolish the shooting categories . . . You know, the slalom just sounds so muslimy . . . My daughter looks great, she just looks fantastic . . . Under Obama and Hillary, the Chinese will continue to kill us at these games . . .

*The Big Angry Orange’s ghostwriter was my dear makes-me-laugh-out-loud-every-day husband. He wins the gold for this riff.

p.s. I was going to offer an apology to the US Olympic team for besmirching the Games with politics, but then I remembered what’s in the water in Rio . . . I figure they’re already accustomed to the crap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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