Top Ten Things You Probably Don’t Know about the Easter Bunny
10 She’s a girl. “Peter” Cottontail was just a cover from the days when women couldn’t hold important jobs.
9 She’s heavily invested in Cadbury, Jelly-Belly, and Aspen Dental.
8 She has a tattoo of Santa on her butt (can’t handle tequila).
7 Her favorite music is smooth jazz – what, you expected hip hop???
6 She is fabulously wealthy thanks to Trix residuals and that Maybelline test lab lawsuit.
5 Her mother and father were in show business, having recently retired to a hat they won’t be pulled out of.
4 She is a fan of both Beatrix and Harry Potter. Expecto MacGregor.
3 She’s still considering suing that Hefner bastard.
2 Due to multiple instances of stalking and terroristic threats to “Kill the Wabbit,” she has a permanent restraining order against Elmer Fudd.
1 She does not like chocolate bunnies; this in no way makes her white rabbit supremacist.
p.s. And furthermore, it was Cottonstein, not Cottontail. Who else could you get to work every Easter?