My Baloney Has a First Name

2 03 2016

I know, I know, we are ALL sick of election coverage; however, it IS the Wednesday after (Not All That) Super Tuesday and the 88th Academy Awards, so I really have no choice.

Ladies and Gentlemen, It’s the 2016 Academy Awards of Presidential Politics.

Best Picture – Citizen Herman Kane by the Republicans who fondly recall the days when 9-9-9 was the most bat-shit crazy idea coming from their side of the primaries

Best Director – Hillary Clinton for coaxing the moving performance from notoriously (civil) disobedient actor Bernie Sanders in I’m Sick of Hearing about the Damn E-mails!

Best Actor – Chris Christie for his breath-taking display of range as a feature film character who despises an opponent right up until the moment he puckers up and kisses the dude’s ass and his riveting portrayal of a man with Stockholm Syndrome in The Donald’s Press Conference

Best Actress – Heidi Cruz for her fearless embodiment of a Stepford Wife

Best Supporting Actor – John Kasich for being the epitome of Stock Footage Generic President,  a role originated by the brilliant(ly white) Mitt Romney

Best Supporting Actress – TIE

Chelsea Clinton and Ivanka Trump for pretending they don’t know horrible things about their parents

Best Animated Short Film – Little Marco by DJ Drumpf

Best Unauthorized Use of an Original Song TIE

If I Had a Hammer by Ben “Almost Killer” Carson

The Wall (We obviously Don’t Need No Education by T-Rump

On a Clear Day (You Can See Over the Podium) by Marco and the Floridians

Best Foreign Language Film – I Vanna Be First Lady by Melania, from the book “Precious Metal” by Ivanna

Best Visual Effects – Come on! Have you seen these people?  ANY effects would be an improvement!

Best Sound Editing – Bernie Sanders for I Sound Just Like Larry David

Best Costume Design – Marco Rubio for Cuban Heels: These Boots Were Made for Walking Taller

Best Make-up – No Winner: dead heat amongst all speech writers

In Memoriam

The list of dead campaigns is too long to write; let’s just say they won’t be missed.




4 responses

2 03 2016
Carol Johnson

You’ve outdone yourself again! LMAO

2 03 2016
Judy Balock

Terrific, as always!

3 03 2016

Surely Trump’s hair should have won best visual effect!

3 03 2016

Ruth, I thought about creating a special category for that hair – “Best Ferret Wrangler” for keeping that thing on his head. 🙂

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