Top Ten Republican Debate Questions We’d Like to Ask

5 08 2015

I am thrilled and excited to introduce a guest writer for tonight’s post. Without further delay, here, with his thoughts on the upcoming Republican Debate, is Pig Newton.


I,  Pig Newton, would like to ask these questions of the ten contestants on the Pander is Right . . . I’m sorry, the Republican Presidential Debate, tomorrow evening. Forgive my impolite tone, please. I am just a little bit miffed to have been overlooked for the festivities, as I am, in my considered opinion, highly qualified to be center-stage:

I am a white, privileged male, who lives in a gated community and I’m named after two political icons – pork and the Gingrich who stole Washington.

10. Not counting the Second, what’s your favorite Amendment?

9.  Since Planned Parenthood is in jeopardy of being defunded, do we really need a Secretary of Labor?

8.  Has anyone seen Rick Perry . . . oops!

7.  Who was the better president: David Palmer or Jeb Bartlett?

6.  Our twist on the parlor game F*#k, Marry, Kill – Hillary, Bernie, Biden: who would you Tax, Indict, Swiftboat? 

5.  Explain, in the length of a bumper sticker, why Trump’s ahead of you in the polls.

4.  The preceding debate’s been called “The Kids’ Table.” How upset are you that they got the pizza and ice cream?

3.  Of all the world leaders we’ve “helped resign,” who do you miss most?

2.  Jon Stewart’s departure from The Daily Show – great news or Best News EVER?

1.  Education – Yes or No?

BONUS: Match the Campaign Slogan to the Candidate Game

Trump                   El Canadienne

Bush                       School’s Out Forever

Kasich                    The Great Hydrator

Huckabee              Not Your Father’s Wingnut

Christie                  Jesus Take the Wheel (So I can eat this donut)

Carson                   A Breath of Fresh Hair

Walker                   I’m Moderate, Sorry

Cruz                       The Smart Brother

Rubio                     Shut Up and Vote for Me

Paul                       Constitutionally Illiterate


Bonus Question:

Would you like to see a Trump-Palin ticket? What if it were for Wrestlemania?




9 responses

5 08 2015
elaine haag

Oh, I love this one, Paula. I am still laughing. Thank you for always finding humor and sharing it. Also, I love Fig Newtons…..I mean, Pig Newton.

6 08 2015

Thanks, Elaine!

5 08 2015
Barbara Leonard

Too funny! And we have over a year to go.

6 08 2015
Sandra Schmitz

Thank you, Pig Newton! What a great way to start my day! You should seriously consider your own standup comedy act. (Do we call it standup when 4 feet are involved?)

6 08 2015

Sandra, Pig is glad to know he brightened your day.

6 08 2015

Oh, GOD! I needed that! Spewed my coffee thanks to Pig Newton and Paula! The entire thing is so horrifically pathetic…..I will watch tonight with a large bowl of popcorn, just as I do a good comedy at the movies. Some friends are doing drinking games (e.g., a shot each time someone says “Benghazi” or “Hillary” or “failed Presidency”). They will be very happy within 1 minute; buzzed within 2, and drunk within 5!

6 08 2015

Thanks, Teddi. If I were only twenty years younger, I would have the tequila and limes at the ready, tonight!

6 08 2015
Nancy Crochet

You are in rare form, Paula. Loved it!

6 08 2015

It was all Pig’s idea, Nancy. 🙂

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