Turn Leftish

12 11 2014

Today, I did something I rarely do – I was A PASSENGER in a car. Being the complete total control freak I am, I am almost never not behind the wheel, but I was feeling adventurous . . . One of the interesting parts of this experience was listening to the GPS lady’s well-modulated, yet insistent, directions.  It made me wonder about quality control in the digital age and what might happen should one of these tech trip advisors slide through the final inspection under less than a watchful eye.

With the assistance of my dear husband and the removal of any vestiges of political correctness filters, I offer you

The Top 10 Directions Given by a GPS “Inspected” by a Disgruntled Employee

10. You’re going to be late. You should have left earlier.

9.  You’re in the wrong lane. Oh, the berm, yea, that’s better.  Perhaps you would like a designated driver.

8.  Tourne à droite dans un kilomètre. TOURNE A DROITE IMBECILE! Just kidding, I’m still in English. Hey, you missed your turn.

7.  When you reach the corner, pull over and ask someone where the hell you are.

6. This right turn has been brought to you by Dunkin’ Donuts, Amazon.Com, the Koch Brothers and Steve.

5. Your turn signal has been on the last 4 miles. I know many people have a fear of commitment, but it’s time – just make the damn turn.

4. Get into the far left lane. Sorry, I thought we were in England – is everybody ok?

3. Deflate the airbag. No, the one sitting in the passenger seat.

2. Stay straight, stay straight, stay straight. A message of faith from the Westboro Baptist Church.

1. Call your mother; you’re lost.

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5 responses

12 11 2014
But

Awesome! Made my day!

13 11 2014
scorchedeyebrowstudio

Thanks!

13 11 2014
teddi

Loved it! Upbeat, fun, silly for a Thursday morning read! And so very accurate, too!!!

13 11 2014
Carol

Fabulous!!! Just simply fabulous!!

14 11 2014
janice

OH, I laughed SOOOO hard!! I have been using mine quite a bit lately so this was timely and a RIOT!! Thanks XO

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