A Disarming Personality

14 05 2014

5-15-15

I used gold in this painting, “My Broken Heart,” to reference the concept of kintsugi, the repairing of broken objects with precious metal, not to hide the damage, but to honor it.

Having spent much of my life burnishing my tough broad persona, I am beginning to allow the heavy armor of some imaginary ancient and long-over battle to fall away. It is frightening to drop my shield, but I know it’s the right thing to do.  Don’t I get my feelings hurt?  Sure. To tell the truth, I always did. My well-fortified façade did not prevent injury; it only kept the world from knowing it.  What good is that?

I am not suggesting that wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve is a prudent way to live; however, it is a lot better to experience life with fewer useless self-imposed filters. This is not to say that we should display our feelings with the abandon of a two-year-old (who is entitled to unbridled public outbursts because she’s two!) Of course, we should employ judgment and appropriate restraint in our external responses to events and people, but we should not deny our feelings to ourselves.

Sadness, grief, anger, embarrassment – they’re, without argument, seriously unappealing states of being. What I know – at last – is that they are not permanent. They are detours. They’re ground under repair. They are inconveniences, sometimes of great magnitude, but they are not permanent. I am almost always ridiculously happy with my life.  I couldn’t always say that. My happiness has grown with my ability to acknowledge those infrequent moments when it’s absent.

Don’t waste your energy trying to keep your brain from showing your heart the respect it deserves.  My brain works pretty fast, but my heart’s gaining ground every day.  I just had to break down the barriers and let her run.  The exercise is good.

 

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3 responses

14 05 2014
Erica

beautiful. wonder full. Be. 🙂

16 07 2014
Lee McAulay

I see hints of rhodochrosite in that remarkable painting, amongst the pinks and black traces. Thank you for sharing.
There are some who say we are only free to reach into our hearts when we finally feel that we’re in a safe place. Until that safe haven appears, be it a physical space or an emotional one, we won’t unlock the box of shadows we all carry inside.
For another take on kintsugi, I recommend The Beauty of Brokenness over on Terri Windling’s blog, Myth & Moor: http://windling.typepad.com/blog/2014/06/the-beauty-of-brokenness.html. The comments are even more illuminating than the post.

16 07 2014
scorchedeyebrowstudio

Thank you, Lee, for the comment and the link to another lovely post. I appreciate it.

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