Teach Your Children Well

24 07 2013

WARNING: This one disturbs me. Prepare for unexpurgated response to the raising of my personal ethics hackles.

7-24-13

Found this in my Facebook newsfeed today, surprising me that it had been shared by someone I did not think was a “spare the rod” kind of person.  There are a few things to which I take exception (euphemism for “piss me off”) in this little statement.

I know this will not be a heartily embraced position, but I am old enough to know that sometimes, being right does not guarantee being liked and I accept that.

There’s no reason to commit violence, except when the alternative is grave injury to one’s self or someone else who is defenseless against attack.   If you hit me for any other reason, you’ll go to jail for assault.  In whose right mind is it more acceptable to hit a child?  If a person – a child, for example – is not able to understand the consequences of a behavior, or is even too young to control their behavior (brain science is all over this), what makes anybody think that hitting that individual will teach them anything except that hitting is an acceptable way to show disapproval?

Kids who are hit learn to hit. Sure, they modify their behavior around the person who hit them – they learn not to get caught.  They don’t learn anything about why their behavior is unacceptable. They don’t learn how to make better decisions later. They don’t learn to respect themselves. They learn to be sneaky or afraid. Neither of those traits will help them be productive happy adults.

So much for the first part of the story – Don’t advocate violence against children.

Now for that pesky idea about needing to teach kids respect by hitting them . . . if you believe this, I, a full-grown adult person with an AARP card and gray hair, will most certainly NOT respect you.

Respect is due to those who show respect to others.  Respect is to be earned, not bestowed.

I believe that some of us do nothing to deserve respect from anyone, including our children. How many parents behave respectfully toward each other?  What is the reality for families in today’s society? Kids learn what their parents show them.  Kids need to be shown respect – self-respect and respect of others.

I heartily endorse more respect from and for all of us.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

4 responses

24 07 2013
MARIA ETTEL

PAULA,
SOME YEARS A GO I READ A COLUMN IN WHICH TEENS WERE ASKED HOW THEY WISHED TO BE SEEN BY OTHERS.
ONE YOUNG LADY GAVE A FINE, SUCCINCT REPLY:
“I WOULD RATHER BE RESPECTED THAN LOVED”.
I DON’T THINK ONE PRECLUDES THE OTHER, BUT I HAVE DISCUSSED THIS WITH MYSELF MANY TIMES. LOTS OF INTERESTING ANSWERS.
THANK YOU.
XO XO XO XO

24 07 2013
scorchedeyebrowstudio

Dear Maria, I have grown to believe that, while there can be respect without love, there can be no true love without respect. You have both from me.

24 07 2013
Elaine

Great subject and many feelings. I grew up in a family that believed and did discipline….so, my sister and I learned quickly that the paddles with the elastic and ball were not a good toy because when the elastic broke then the paddle was for something else. That being said, my parents were very loving and we caught on quickly. We then graduated to getting the raised eyebrow when we were out of line and that was all it took. Now my cousins have a funny story that they share…..my father’s sister had 3 boys and oh, they were funny and could get into trouble. Growing up in southern Baptists homes, well you did get disciplined….but in a nice southern way. Our parents may have spanked but it was in a gentle southern way and after a while we got the message and all it took was the raised eyebrow and we were all so attentive. Paula, next time we are together, ask about the cousin story because it quite funny. I love you and do know and appreciate what you are saying because I think spanking today is much different than the way I was brought up.

31 07 2013
Patricia

Interesting discussion, Paula. We were VERY rarely spanked, and when we were, my Mom would seperate us from the other kids (there were 5 of us), and she would say “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”. and put us over her knee. Afterwards, I think she would go into the bathroom and cry, which hurt alot more than a few whacks on the bum…

I think it happened 2, maybe 3 times, and I can still remember wanting to rush in and sooth her, and tell her I would never, never, ever, do that again…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: