Saved by Anthony Bourdain

18 01 2012

Paula, Paula, Paula Deen.

For years, you have been a key reason I do not watch food television – you, and Anthony Bourdain.  Between you two, my stomach turned often before I could turn the channel.  Now, when an obvious truth is publicly verified – your recipes are damaging to your health – I can’t even do the “I knew those box-cake-mix-Franken-desserts would get her!” taunting dance.

I went to bed last night, not with visions of sugar plums, but visions of bacon-wrapped, deep-fried, mayonnaise-dipped fat joke insults buzzing in my head. Who ruined my “Take your Krispy Kreme Bread Puddin’ Back to the Trailer Park, You Pretender!” rant?  Anthony Bourdain, of course. Bourdain, whom I have disliked heartily since reading his book Kitchen Confidential , has already slapped Roly-Poly Paula via Twitter,  making anything nasty I might say look like piling on or, equally as distasteful, supporting his ideas.

While I disapprove her place on the culinary stage (because I think she is a sloppy cook who relies on pre-fab ingredients and caters to the taste buds of a sit-com-character eleven-year-old boy) and I find her embarrassing to watch (because I think her Mae West meets my Aunt Blanche gray-haired double- entendres are gross,) I am truly sorry Paula Deen is diabetic.  She was fun to make fun of when she was just a fat lady with a stick of butter and a lack of decorum.  Now, it is not funny anymore.

Anyone who knows me personally will confirm that I am not at all interested in “health food,” so I am not clambering up onto a soapbox to shake my finger and intone the virtues of grass juice and raw pumpkin seeds.  I believe food is one of the great pleasures in life.  There is butter (salted and unsalted,) sugar, chocolate, booze, white flour, and red meat in my kitchen at all times.  I just don’t cook with all of it every meal!

Paula Deen’s quote in response to a question about whether or not her cooking style contributed to her disease (a reporter actually asked that!) she replied, “On my show I share with you all these yummy, fattening recipes, but I tell people, `in moderation,'” she added. “I’ve always eaten in moderation.”

Paula, Paula, Paula Deen, I am sorry you’re sick, but I am glad you’re now being honest about your illness.  I’d like to fault you for your lack of honesty in that quote, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt – you don’t seem to know how big a teaspoon is, so this unbelievable statement may, to you, not be a lie.

Now, before she does more damage, would somebody, please, explain “moderation” to that woman?



One response

19 01 2012
Jean Van Brederode

A stick of butter … reminds me of the response Rosanne Barr gave when asked what she wanted for her birthday – “Mel Gibson and a stick of butter.” Now THERE’S a better use for the much maligned dairy product!

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