What Kind of Music Am I?

31 03 2010

Being a lifelong musician, it seems funny now that it never occurred to me to ask this particular – and peculiar – introspective question, but, thanks to a Facebook post by Holly Gage  www.hollygage.com, a jeweler whose work I admire and own, here I am with the Beatles and Bach and Barney, Richard Thompson and Richard Wagner, Sousa and Susan Werner www.susanwerner.com, among others, chasing my true self around my brain and trying to corner it – me – without much luck for the past few days. 

Since I, as many mothers do,  weigh my  self-worth heavily in terms of the success of my child, when our daughter’s mental retardation and autism became apparent, my idea of my life’s music, had I done this exercise way back then, would have changed from Beethoven’s symphonies –  powerful and uplifting, to avant garde jazz – with no apparent rhythm and no way to really march to it!  Now that she is facing a life-and-death battle with a cancer that seems to have a pretty strong will of its own – well, imagine what this mother “heard” in myself upon hearing that news.

 After a few days of hearing no internal music at all, then giving in to sorrowful pathetic uninspired leitmotifs, I need to give my soul some new music – to re-score my life.  Given the high-spiritedness of my girl – did I mention a lot of my “self” is defined by my child – I think I am a Victor Borge performance www.victorborge.com.  The notes are all there, just sometimes they are played in the wrong order or up-side-down, and sometimes even brilliantly and with great joy.  Sounds like me to me.

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One response

2 04 2010
Jean

Yes. You are right. We do define ourselves by our child(ren). In that case, you are a magnificient individual who rises to every challenge before you with grace and dignity. I like the analogy of music – I need to do that exercise for myself – probably something between Bluegrass and Classical!

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